Back in 2014, I was obsessed with Brazilian jiu-jitsu. After several years of training, competing and leading the UCL Brazilian jiu-jitsu society, one of my jobs was to find coaches for our classes. It was through this role that I met Miles — a brilliant athlete, dependable, an amazing guy and always had a beaming smile. We weren’t just training partners — we were friends.
I love Brazilian jiu-jitsu, but a shoulder injury made me stop training. Miles kept going though. He pursued his passion full-time while teaching at UCL, SOAS and co-founding Ninja school to teach kids martial arts. Miles always went out of his way to help people with their techniques. He refused to take payment for coaching at UCL and everyone loved him. However, over time, we drifted apart, as people do after university.
Fast forward to 2018, I randomly remembered him and messaged on Instagram. It had been a while since we last talked. I asked, “How are you doing?” He replied with, “I hope you’re well,” and nothing else. It felt like a throwaway comment at the time. I figured it was just a quick response, so I didn’t think much of it.
A week later, Miles tragically took his own life.
I was absolutely stunned. Denial was my first reaction. It didn’t seem real. I had no idea he was struggling with mental health or battling depression. I went back to that last message and wondered — could I have helped? Maybe. I’ll never know. But I do know that I missed a chance to really check in with him.
According to the World Health Organization, over 720,000 people die from suicide every year. It’s the third leading cause of death among 15-29 year olds. The numbers are staggering, but stats don’t make it real until it’s someone you know.
There’s a stigma around talking about mental health, especially for men. As UFC fighter Paddy Pimblett put it, “There’s a stigma in this world that men can’t talk…I’d rather my mate cry on my shoulder than go to his funeral next week.” Knowing the fighter Miles was, I picked that quote to honour him. I’m sure it would’ve hit home for him.
I still think about what I could have done differently with Miles. I know I can’t change the past, but maybe I can help someone else in the future. If you’re struggling, don’t keep it to yourself. Talk to someone. Anyone. Don’t try to fight your demons alone. You can use services like Samaritans, SOS or Mind for more help. And if you think someone else is going through a hard time, check in with them. Really check in. You won’t regret reaching out to someone who needs it.
Small actions can change lives. Sometimes they save them.