When I was a teenager, I cared about what others thought of me too much. How can I fit in? How can I be someone that others want to be around? How can I impress others? No matter how many people told me I should stop caring, it didn’t stop me.
At some point, this changed when I saw the world as my personal movie. In my movie, I’m the lead actor. There are a few others playing key roles (my closest family members and friends) , some play supporting roles (people I know) and most people are extras (people I don’t know). Everyone else has their own movie similar to mine, but they play the leading role in their movie. The main point is, “Why should I care about what this person thinks if I’m an extra in their movie?”.
The point about not minding what most people say or think about you affects how you are with others. How you are with others affects your behaviour and your behaviour shapes who you are. More on this later.
If I ask you who you are, You’d say your name, maybe where you live, your job and your ethnicity if you were pressed. Are you really just those things? Of course not, we’re complex beings and who you really are is much more than that.
Let’s go deeper to break down the different sides of ourselves. A common way people answer who they are is through their professional self, i.e. their occupation and organisation. There’s the emotional self — our feelings and how we react to the world. Then, there’s the intellectual self — our beliefs, thoughts and knowledge. Another side is our spiritual self — our religious, philosophical beliefs or lack thereof. Lastly, our social self — our relationships with others, including family or friends.
Now ask yourself, “Who are you, really?”. It’s easier to answer if you focus on each of the selves mentioned above. Despite this, it’s still a deceptively simple, yet profoundly tough question because:
- We evolve over time, so the answer to the question will change depending on the stage of life you’re in.
- You may have Internal conflicts about your identity where there’s a mismatch between the traits you have and the traits you want to have.
- Deep self-reflection and awareness is not done enough, which could be due to a lack of time or just because it’s uncomfortable to think about.
You can ask others who you are, but even if they’re super close to you, they only see a certain side of you. They will also likely tell you what you want to hear, not the raw truth. The way you see yourself has a huge impact on your self-worth and the vision of your best self.
Back to the point about caring about what others think of you too much. Your past actions and behaviour are the best way of knowing who you truly are. Life is too short to be acting in a certain way because you’re afraid of what others will say. In the words of Dr. Seuss: “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You”. Be unapologetically yourself.
When was the last time you had a deep self-reflection and evaluated yourself? Carve out a few hours and try it out sometime. Let me know what you think or if anything surprised you.